Ah if only. As much as we want to let things and people go because it is the right thing do it is often easier said than done. Just because you know you’re not being treated right and you’ve made your decision to not put up with shit doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Fuck it does. It’s hurts so much.
I would like to think that over the years my communication skills have seen tremendous improvements. It has helped me be sure of the people that I now consciously choose to keep around me. But I haven’t always had a good head on my shoulders when it comes to actively weeding out people who don’t have the same emotional capacity as me. Whilst I do have great instincts and my instincts have yet to fail me, I am human and I have given into having people in my life out of the sheer convenience of it. I don’t think I necessarily even made an effort to get to know these people before I decided I wanted them in my life. My self esteem issues were so bad (more on this another day I promise) that I decided if they felt good enough to be around and checked all the superficial boxes of the role they needed to play in my life that was good enough for me.
But here is a little thing I failed to consider and have had to come to terms with. The fact that I have in fact outgrown these people. Over the past year, the standards for the people I choose to keep in my life has really been raised. And I have been previously told to not make comparisons between my individual dynamics with people but I don’t agree with that because I think there is no harm in being self aware. You should know where you stand with people and how your dynamics differ because that allows you to manage expectations. You don’t want to be an asshole who over promises but underdelivers. That’s trash.
But yes recently I have come to realise how I have outgrown certain people. Some I don’t think I really know anymore, others I have gotten to know and don’t necessarily want to keep around whilst the others I have realised I never really knew in the first place. When I have tried to communicate that and make an effort it wasn’t reciprocated. Instead I was met with defensiveness which made me think they haven’t evaluated our relationship like I had or if they had they didn’t care enough to nurture it. Which is too bad because it was really important to me so of course it saddens me to know they didn’t care enough about me like I did for them.
But there isn’t much I could do about that. I did my part. I have a rule where everyone new in my life gets three strikes. If something isn’t right I will communicate it with you and hopefully we can resolve it, learn from it and move on. But if we are struggling to fix things after three attempts at fixing the same issue then we likely just aren’t compatible so taking an axe to the relationship will be a mercy on everyone involved. It is harder to come to terms with when objectively, there are no villains in the story. The energies just aren’t being matched which just leads to anguish and despair.
I truly believe there is always enough love to go around so you shouldn’t have to beg for it. But that doesn’t exempt from trying to work things out. You should definitely try. To keep your conscience clear that you did everything in your power to make things work but it just wasn’t meant to be.
Then comes the hardest part. Accepting that even if you tried your best sometimes your best isn’t good enough and there is nothing you can do about that. But hold that thought. There is something you can do. You can set boundaries. You can get to decide if you want to put up with people that don’t need your needs the same way you bend over backwards to meet their’s. Ask yourself whether you’d want your best friend to be treated the way you are being treated? If the answer is no then you know what you’ve got to do. You’ve got to let it go.
There will be moments it hurts. But think of it like stitching up an open wound. It will sting in the moment but it will allow you to heal without the risk of getting infected. So be Elsa, and let it go. And remember!
Love yourself,
Nashrah xo
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