I didn't know how to reach you so I thought I would write you a little letter replying to the message I received from you last night. Now because I don't want the rest of the readers to be confused I am going to give them a little context.
So last night I wrote a little essay that I shared with my friends on my spam as well as on my instagram specific to this site. Anyways this morning I woke up to a message from anonymous@gmail.com which read:
A piece of advice. Why not mention the names of your “friends” sorry I meant acquaintances so they are aware of who this is about.
Now at first glance I thought it was a little passive aggressive but it was four in the morning and I had an exam in five hours so I was too busy trying to cram the last bit of content to actually ponder upon this. Anyways so after my exam I was texting a friend who has actually been the subject of one of my essays. The one that broke up with me, yeah we are back on good terms on more on that later but she happened to read the essay and texted me about it around the same time I received this message in my inbox. So I asked her whether it was from her even if it didn't make sense for it to be because I didn't think there was any reason for her to get offended or send me an anonymous message. That is not her style, in her own words if she wanted to beef me she would do it in person. But yeah so then after a quick consultation with my spam I have since come to the conclusion that this does in fact sound rather passive aggressive. My first instincts were correct.
Which begs me to wonder what the motivation behind this message was? Like I could be mistaken but I believe this is in response to my eulogy where I have discussed losing touch with people who have since become acquaintances. Where I don't necessarily think I was being offensive. Especially because I wasn't directing that statement to any one particular person. I was merely speaking about my experience over the last twenty ones years during which time I have loved and lost many people. With some there isn't any love lost. Our paths crossed and it was amazing, we have since gone our separate ways and by acknowledging that I am not intending to offend them. I do look back upon our memories fondly. I will never delete the pictures or block that person, unless he's an ex but that one is self explanatory, actually now that I think about it I think I still have some of them on socials so like yeah the point is I am not trying to discredit that person or that relationship by calling them an acquaintance. I am merely describing our dynamic as I see it now.
To me an acquaintance isn't someone I consider friend anymore because they aren't meeting the expectations I have of my friends. Sometimes some people aren't meant to be, even in friendship capacity, and that is completely fine. I will never expect someone to change who they are for me. But I have changed. Lord I have grown so much in the past year and sometimes that means you outgrow the people around you if they aren't willing to grow with you. Like a baby outgrowing its clothes. Its normal.
So my priorities have shifted. I have earned people who love and care about me. They make me feel valued and respected but also will call me out whenever I act out because they care about me. That is who I consider a friend. So if you aren't willing to do that Anonymous , if you aren't willing to have the hard conversations and own up to your words and actions, I am sorry you were offended that I consider you an acquaintance and not a friend. I am sorry you didn't know. But all my friends know how much I love and appreciate them. I make it an effort to make sure they hear it. Again, I don't really know who this is so I am not going to play a guessing game that drives me insane trying to figure it out for myself. So if you want to actually talk about this and hash it out I am more than willing to have a conversation.
But if you are offended about something that wasn't even directed at you, if the shoe fits walk in it till your high heels break. I can't do anything about that. That one is on you.
I am really glad this was brought up now however because this allows me to set some boundaries for myself and by sharing them here my friends can hold me accountable. This little site is about my own experience about my life. I am signing up to share my life but the people in my life aren't so unless I have explicit permission/encouragement to do so I will not be sharing names. As far people knowing if they are being written about, I will never write anything about anyone and share it on the internet if I wasn't comfortable sharing and owning up to my words in front of them. Every opinion, observation or judgement I have, there is a reason to it and if someone doesn't agree with it I am very willing to have them challenge me and change my opinion. Because that is what it is. An opinion, that is malleable and not a fact set in stone.
I hope that addresses any concerns you had about my essays, thank you so much for caring enough to share your opinion.
Love yourself,
Nashrah xo
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