This one is for my mum, I love you the most Laboni (after Sazim) (don’t tell dad).
So I am moving to Manchester after graduation. My parents aren’t particularly happy about it. So right now we are in that in-between stage of them asking me to reconsider my options anytime I send them a listing on Right Move so that I can "stay at home with them and save money." It is really jarring when every single conversation turns into a lecture about how they want me to stay close to them and moving halfway across the country. I know they are doing it out of love and they always want what is the best for me, which in this case they think would be me staying with them. But it is still really annoying.
I think my mother is scared of losing me, she doesn’t think once I have moved out I will ever go back to living with her ever again. Whilst it is normal to move out for university and never return for kids in the West is not a thing in South Asian households. So even if it probably is true, it isn’t something she has had the time to prepare for. We always assumed since I was studying finance, I would work in London, you know one of the financial hubs in the world. Had I stayed in London considering moving out would have been extremely stupid given the extortionate rent prices.
So even if it is difficult, you suck it up, sacrifice your mental health if you have to and stay at home until you can afford to buy a place of your own. I am not saying my parents are horrible people to live with or that I have a tumultuous relationship. They absolutely aren’t. I speak to each of them at least twice a day, sometimes more but the point is I don’t live them anymore. I come and go as I please, when I please and I do what I want to, how I want to, having to accommodate for their lifestyles once I go back home will be difficult. Which even though I was prepared to do before I got offered a job in Manchester, why would I now. My parents are extremely proud of me for having a job straight out of university however they now want me try and find one in London. But much to my parent’s dismay I don’t want to.
Thinking back to three years ago, my mother wasn’t particularly happy about me choosing to move to Nottingham for university. It was also during the first lockdown, my father was stuck in Thailand, so you can imagine how fun it must have been being stuck in a house together being passively aggressively taunted about me leaving her alone to with my brother to fend for themselves. She is a rather dramatic woman if I may so. Anyways as stubborn as she is I am her daughter so I stuck it out, at the end of the day all she wanted was for me to be happy. So on September 17th, before she bid me goodbye, she held me tight outside the reception of Cripps Hall with proud glistening eyes as she told me she loved me and she was proud of me no matter what. So I am writing this to remind myself that no matter what happens she will always have my back even when I go against what she wants me to do.
She will always be on my side even when I am wrong, so it is okay if I want to move away. As much as she doesn’t want it, she wants what is best for me and right now this is what is best for me. I have always trusted my instincts and right now they are telling me moving to Manchester is what I need to do. Maybe not forever but for a while. So even if it is scary to defy my parent’s wishes, I don’t want to look back in 15 years and think about what could’ve been. My mum often tells me this story where my dad was offered a scholarship in Russia to study engineering but his mum didn’t let him go, I think about how different his life would have been should he have just gone anyways. Sure perhaps I wouldn’t be here today, but whilst I know my dad loves us and says he wouldn’t trade it for the world, what if he had? What could have his life been like? He will never know now but I don’t want to regret not knowing that about my life. More importantly I don’t want to resent my parents for holding me back.
So I guess I am moving to Manchester. I am scared but I am also really excited. I always say I am god’s favourite child. I am not being vain I promise but Allah has never *excuse the expression* screwed me over. For all the exes, fights and flaws in my life nothing bad has ever happened to me that hasn’t led to something much better that has more than made up for it. Whilst I will happily sit here and illustrate my point with examples I think I have already aired way more of my dirty laundry than I intended to this month so you will just have to take my word for it. I will be okay and so will my parents. We are just a really dramatic family we will all get over it eventually and I am sure you will hear all about the lengths they go to help me pack up life in boxes and waddle over across the country but until then don’t ask me for any details.
Love yourself,
Nashrah xo
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